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You Know You’re A Real Golfer When…

February 6th, 2013

  1. Whilst others might stay up late to watch some of the more sordid content available on late night TV you’re secretly tuning into the weather channel

  2. 69s, foresomes, shafts, shag bag and wood no longer have purely sexual connotations

  3. Naked, your tan lines give you the perfect white golfing outfit complete with glove. You like this

  4. You have a ‘Golf’ folder on your desktop. As well as keeping a personal scores spreadsheet you have also found it useful to convert this data into graphs

  5. You find golf tees in your tumble drier, balls in your glove compartment, mini pencils in all your shirt pockets and tee holes in your trouser pockets

  6. The first thing you do when your other half suggests a holiday destination is check where the nearest golf

    golf clothes

    course is

  7. When riding in a lift you practise your swing in the mirror, checking the quality of your ‘golf face’ as you do so

  8. You have been integrated into the world of the golfer’s secret language. This is measured by the percentage of people who look confused when you and a golf buddy chat at a social event

  9. You have decidedly unattractive legs

  10. When you describe heaven to your kids it has quite a lot in common with a fairway

  11. And when it gets to that time to explain the birds and the bees, you somehow manage to make it into a golfing metaphor

  12. Not to mention those occasions when it is necessary to impart moral lessons to them.  Somehow, you always find it easiest to compare the situation to an experience you’ve had on the course…

  13. You may not have a spare tyre or break down equipment in the boot of your car, but you always carry a set or clubs and all weather clothing. You know, just in case

  14. The sight of an unknown golf course provokes the same response as a hottie passing by your car

  15. You own at least one item of golfing clothing that is so hideous that you have been forbidden to wear it by your other half/ children under any circumstances when in a mile’s radius of them

  16. You get a pair of novelty golfing socks every year for Christmas and birthdays, mainly because you had to tell people to stop buying you golf balls as they were causing a health and safety hazard in your home

  17. As far as you’re concerned, picking up the wrong golf ball is the eight deadly sin

  18. You’re not 100% sure what the other seven are.  Sunday is a day for heading to the course

  19. Your casual wardrobe can more accurately be described as ‘golfing clothes’

  20. You like to measure distances with your range finder even when you are off the course. You know, just for fun…

  21. You have toyed around with the idea of naming your expected child after a wildcat

  22. You have a secret shoplifting habit whereby you steal the mini pens and pencils from Argos and Ikea

  23. At work, you sometimes reach up to adjust your cap then realise that you’re not wearing one

  24. Snow has become an evil, evil word…

How many of our Golfers 24 can you tick off? Are there any other essential tell-tale signs that you think should be added to the list?

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Wednesday, February 6th, 2013 Just for fun No Comments

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